Hello there
Happy Friday and welcome to this week’s edition of the Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter. I’m in one of those rare (these days) lulls when there aren’t TV shows or movies for me to review or comment on. Thankfully the never-ending Star Wars content machine always has something for us to talk about. It’s a little bit of a shorter one this week. I get around to talking about Tales of the Empire, we might get a legend on the Mando and Grogu movie, and I finally get around to reading another New Jedi Order book.
As always, I appreciate you reading this. If you haven’t subscribed, you should smash the subscribe button below. Now, let’s get to it.
This Is Where The Fun Begins
If I said the phrase “man vs bear” and you have no idea what I’m talking about, congratulations on not being Extremely Online. A couple weeks ago a video went viral on TikTok where either women were asked if they’d rather be alone in the woods with a man or a bear. Seven of the eight said bear. The discourse has unfolded in the usual manner, namely backlash from a certain type of Internet Brained commenter who willingly chooses to miss the point. And now it’s reached its natural conclusion, the memes.
Death Star HR has a question for any of the women reading this. Would you rather be stuck on the Forest Moon of Endor with a male Jedi or a Wampa?1
The Dark Side is More Fun?
This was going to be in last week’s newsletter and I just ran out of time to give Tales of the Empire a proper write up. Released on May (the) 4th, Tales of the Empire was a sequel of sorts to 2022’s Tales of the Jedi. Only this time we get some Dark Side action. There were two stories, each one told over three separate cartoons of 15ish minutes. The first set was Morgan Elsbeth, friend of Thrawn and enemy of Ahsoka. The second, and the one I was really looking forward to, was Barris Offee, former Jedi and I guess you’d call her a frenemy of Ahsoka.
I say this with the caveat that there’s about 40 minutes for each story, about the actual length of an hour-long episode of network TV. So I realize there’s just not the time to do a really deep dive on each character. I thought one was good, one was just OK. We’re start with the latter.
Again, recognizing there isn’t a ton of time, I thought Morgan’s story just wasn’t that interesting. It looked awesome, as the Star Wars animation tends to do these days. Especially the first episode where we get the Battle of Dathomir and General Grievous in all his glory. Grievous in the cartoons is way better than movie Grievous. The darkness of Dathomir contrasted with the bright lightsabers and laser arrows looked great. If that’s all we saw of Morgan’s story, I’d call it a win. The following two were a little meh though, even with the appearance of Admiral (not yet Grand) Thrawn. We learn since somehow getting off of Dathomir, a rural backwater in the Outer Rim, Morgan has become a skilled engineer, designing star fighters and she’s familiar the Imperial request for proposal process. Following a chance meeting with Ruhk and Thrawn, she then somehow becomes the Magistrate of Corvus and is a real jerk. That’s it, that’s her story.
I get it, her story is she wants revenge and to get revenge you need power and serving the Empire is the quickest and surest path to power.
I’ve said before in Death Star HR that sometimes Star Wars is better when it leaves a sense of mystery. Here’s a little explanation might be better. I would have liked a story about how she got her Beskar spear, especially since it featured prominently in the third story.
On other hand, I really enjoyed Barris’s story, more than I thought I would. The third act was a bit of a twist I was not expecting. Barris is a good character who gets a pretty good story in The Clone Wars for not being a main character. She becomes disillusioned with the Jedi Order, believing they no longer are following the ideals of the Jedi. Her solution, which is a bit extreme, is to bomb the Jedi Temple and frame Ahsoka Tano for the crime. I mean, come on, Barris.
Eventually Anakin figures everything out. Ahsoka’s name is cleared but she decides to skip out on being a Jedi, hence solving the problem of why you have such an important character who was never mentioned in the Original Trilogy. Bariss ends up in Jedi Jail and that’s where we pick her story up.
The first two parts of the Barris story are what you can figure out from watching the trailer. She gets recruited by the Fourth Sister to join the Inquisitors. We get a cameo by Darth Vader. And a pretty sweet lightsaber duel with Barris, the Fourth Sister, and an as-of-now-unnamed Jedi. We learn that Barris isn’t a true believer. She might have thought the Jedi had lost their way, but that didn’t mean she was down with the Sith.
As a side note, I am of course aware that the unnamed Jedi was referred to as they/them and therefore certain circles of the internet have gone nuts. If this something that bothers you, I beg you to go touch grass.
The final act shows an older Barris, one that has rejected the Sith and uses her Jedi powers as a healer. Once again, the Fourth Sister tracks her down and (maybe) kills her. I was not expecting this and really I liked it a lot more than I thought. I was fully expecting the series to focus on her actions as an Inquisitor and her descent to the Dark Side, going from someone who thought the Jedi were misguided to someone who truly embraced the Dark Side. While I think there was a missed opportunity to revisit the Barris/Anakin relationship, the conclusion was more satisfying than if we just had her continue to go down the path of the Dark Side.
George Lucas was a fan of saying that Star Wars rhymes, his exactly quote is “You see the echo of where it all’s gonna go. It’s like poetry. They rhyme.” Ahsoka, Barris Offee, and Count Dooku all had similar concerns, although not necessarily at the same time. The Republic was corrupt. The Jedi lost their way. The Jedi Council was betraying the ideals of the Order. As it turned out, all three of them were right. Ahsoka left the Jedi Order but still walked the path of the Light Side, even if she was a Grey Jedi. Barris turned to the Dark Side, but realized it wasn’t for her and also went back to the Light. Count Dooku, who arguably was the most correct about the failings of the Republic, partly because he had a front row seat and a hand in making it happen, did not have the chance to turn back to the Light Side. Which begs the question, if Return of the Sith happened in the current Star Wars era, would Count Dooku get a redemption story? Maybe at the very end he saw the error of his ways, aligning himself with a Sith Lord. Unfortunately, any realization Dooku might have had would have only lasted a split second, as Anakin lopped his head off.
I was going somewhere with this. The three Jedi of the Tales series are all alike in their own way, it was an interesting choice by Disney to feature those three. Which left Morgan Elsbeth as the odd woman out. It’s not the worst idea to feature non-Jedi characters, they need some love. But if you’re just going to make them a generic, power-loving villain, maybe work on a little more of a backstory. Morgan’s story was just fine. It wasn’t bad, it just needed to be more fleshed out. I get there are time constraints with this series. But, they nailed it with Barris Offee’s story.
Ripley and Mando: It Might Just Happen
If you’re creating a Mount Rushmore of women in science fiction movies, you’re obviously going to have Princess Leia on there. And you’re going to have Ellen Ripley from the Alien movies as well. Not sure about the other two. I’ll let the readers decide. I’d put Padme on there, but I might be biased.
Although she’s a legend, Signorney Weaver hasn’t appeared in Star Wars. Until now. Probably. Sure, we were close from a certain point of view. Amy Sederis was basically cosplaying as Ripley in The Mandalorian, with Peli Motto.
The sci-fi queen herself is about to step foot in a galaxy far, far away. Sigourney Weaver is in talks to join The Mandalorian & Grogu, the first Star Wars movie to hit production since 2019. The last film in the space western franchise was Rise of Skywalker, the final film in the Star Wars sequel trilogy and the last film in the nine-part Skywalker saga.
No word yet as to who Weaver is supposed to play. Maybe have per play Peli Motto’s mother and give them the same wig. I think it would be fun to see her as a Mandalorian matriarch. Did we ever meet Bo-Katan’s mother in The Clone Wars? I don’t believe we did. Nobody is really dead in the Star Wars universe, bring her back.
The Death Star Human Resources Department Book Club: New Jedi Order #5
I love to read. Like sitting with a book is honestly one of my favorite things in the world. Too many books, too little time could be on my tombstone. Instead, a lot of free time that would have gone to sitting on the couch with Darth Taco and a book goes to typing up a silly little newsletter about space wizards with laser swords. Which is a long way of me saying I know I’m way behind on my New Jedi Order reading project.
Five books down, 14 to go.
Title: Agents of Chaos II: Jedi Eclipse
Series: New Jedi Order. Book #5
Author: James Luceno
Date published: October 3, 2000
Pages: 348
Status: Legends
Summary in less than 20 words: There’s a lot going on. Almost too much. But at least Han is working through his issues.
The New Jedi Order books are starting to suffer what I’d call “Season 3 Of The Mandalorian-itis.” No, this doesn’t mean there’s a random appearance by Jack Black and Lizzo in a book published in 2000. Instead, there’s just too much going on. You’ve introduced the initial characters, then over the course of a few books (or seasons) you’ve expanded the world and added new characters and planets and adventures. And suddenly, you don’t have time for everyone. This was much more noticeable in this book than any of the previous books.
And what I don’t get here, is the books don’t have to take this track. There are nineteen NJO books. So far they have all basically followed the same plot. The Republic is in trouble. The Yuuzhan Vong are winning the battle. And at the end of the book when things look dire, someone comes through and saves the day.
In this book alone, we’ve got Han and his new buddy Droma hoping around the galaxy and end up starting a droid rebellion, the rest of the Ryn are stuck, Leia is seeing old friends from The Courtship of Princess Leia, another old friend alert when Jacen and Anakin run into Tracken Sal-Solo from The Corellian Trilogy, Jedi Wurth Skidder allows himself to be captured by the Vong, the Hutts are double dealing with the New Republic and the Vong, and you’ve still got Luke, Mara, and Jania Solo out there as well along with New Republic Intelligence and the Senate. That’s a lot to cram into 348 pages.
I don’t know how they are going to stretch things out for 14 more books. We had the Vong starting to invade the galaxy in the Outer Rim, and now they’re seemingly gearing up for an invasion of Coruscant. If they invade Coruscant in book six, what do they do for the remaining 13 books?
What works:
I’ve enjoyed the introduction to the Ryn. They appear to be Space Romani or Space Irish Travelers. Droma, the main one we’ve met, has been a good buddy for Han. Look, he’s no Chewbacca. Nobody can replace Chewie. But Han works best when he’s not flying solo. You see what I did there? He needs someone in the cockpit of the Falcon to trade witty banter with.
Despite being crammed with too many story lines, the book moves along at a pretty good pace. I wouldn’t put James Luceno as a top-tier Star Wars author, but he always gets the job done in a pretty enjoyable manner.
What doesn’t:
I’m getting a little sick of Jacen Solo. I get it. We were all 17 once and so sure of our own self-righteousness that we couldn’t see what was in front of our face. Yes, Jacen. War is bad. That might actually be the whole point of Star Wars. But you’re facing an enemy who doesn’t have any problem killing you and your quasi-pacifist Jedi ways are not going to save you. On the other hand, as Omar Little said, “a man got to have a code.” Maybe Jacen is right and the rest of the galaxy who is so quick to resort to violence is wrong.
Although I said above the book does move along, it really crams too much into one book. Things might have been better if an editor said “cut two story lines and save them for the next book.”
Wild card:
Tracken Sal-Solo is back. He’s Han’s cousin. But he’s evil. How can you tell he’s evil? Because he has a mustache.
Next book up: Star Wars: The New Jedi Order: Balance Point. This the first NJO book from regular Star Wars author Kathy Tyers.
From the Depths of Wookieepedia
No food this week, but we’ve still got something fun. This week, it’s the Bleeder Spice Flow. This charming neighborhood is located in the industrial section of Nar Shaddaa’s Red Light Sector. The rent might be cheap, but you do have to deal with the Bleeder gangs who might be out harvest your organs. Sometimes the Star Wars games can get dark…
News From the HoloNet
Impressive Helldivers 2 Star Wars Mod Creates the Clone Wars Video Game We’ve Always Wanted
I don’t know anything about Helldivers 2, but that video looks awesome. Get it licensed, Disney!
The Force Is Strong in Oreo’s New ‘Star Wars’ Cookies
I think this is the first Food and Wine link in Death Star HR.
Canadian man breaks record for building 'Star Wars' Lego set
Truly cannot imagine building for 7 straight hours.
San Antonio's Victor Wembanyama wanted Star Wars toy to be first big purchase with NBA paycheck
I’m a Pistons and Mavs fan, but I might have to be get on the Wembanyama bandwagon.
That’s it for this week. If you like what I’m doing, please subscribe. I’ll catch you next week, and may the Force be with you.
OF COURSE I am aware that wampas (wampi?) do not live in Endor. No need to comment.
Can I vote for Sarah Connor and Uhuru as the other two for the Mount Rushmore?
Always appreciate my star wars news.