Hello there
Good morning (or whenever you read this) and Happy Friday and welcome to this week’s edition of the Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter. We’ve got a good one this week. It was the 30th anniversary of Clerks and Death Star contractors, we finally get some new content with a trailer for season 3 of The Bad Batch, and old friend returns, and I list the top 5 Star Wars streaming shows I want. That’s a lot. And it’s a lot of good stuff.
As always, thank you for reading and/or subscribing to Death Star HR. If you like what I’m doing please tell a friend, or enemy, or someone that you’re mildly indifferent towards. Now, let’s get to it.
This Is Where The Fun Begins
Monday the 22nd was the 30th anniversary of the movie Clerks. I did not see it in the theater but I definitely remember watching it on video, I have a pretty good guess which friend’s basement I saw it in but I’m not positive. I wouldn’t quite go so far to call it a life changing experience, but it definitely left a big impression on me. It wasn’t like any other movie out there. For starters, it was black and white which you just didn’t see in the 90’s. Outside of Schindler's List which fancied itself a little more highbrow than Kevin Smith’s dick and fart jokes you just didn’t see new movies in black and white. It was packed with jokes and the kind of stupid stuff you and your friends would say to make each other laugh while sitting in a basement being stupid. Also, Kevin Smith is a huge Star Wars fan, along with being a huge fan of plenty of other nerd stuff, so we got stuff like the clip below.
Randall is wrong, and in this case the customer is right. Maybe the only time a customer is right in the whole movie.
As the saying goes, “you can’t afford to be neutral on a moving train.” If you run A-1 Corellian Giant Laser Installation and you take the contract offered to you by the Death Star Procurement Department1, you are guilty of genocide against the people and planet of Alderaan. Right? Are you as guilty as Grand Moff Tarkin or the guy pulling the lever to fire up the laser? That probably depends on your world view. If you look at the world in black and white, the CEO of A-1 Corellian Giant Laser Installation is just as guilty as Emperor Palpatine. If you take a more shades of gray approach, sure being the independent contractor who installing the giant laser makes you a bad guy, but probably not as bad as Admiral Motti. Besides, if you’re just a dude who owns a giant space laser company and someone from Death Star Procurement calls you up and says that your services are needed for the glory of the Empire, that’s really one of those offers you can’t refuse. Hopefully Mr. Giant Laser has a good lawyer when the New Republic charges him with war crimes, because as we’ve talked about before, the New Republic is a kangaroo court.
Editor’s Note2: Last week I wrote that Darth Maul killed Qui-Gon Jinn on the planet Theed. That is incorrect. Theed is not a planet. Theed is the capital city for the planet Naboo. The Death Star Human Resources Department sincerely regrets this error and apologizes for any inadvertent harm this egregious error has caused the reader.
The Bad Batch Prepares to Take a Bow
I’ve mentioned a few times recently that it would be nice to get some information about what shows we’re going to see in 2024. So for all of you that were excited when we got a new trailer for season 3 of The Bad Batch on Monday the 22nd, you’re welcome. I manifested that.
Kind of like Rebels, The Bad Batch aka the Star Wars version of Three Men and a Baby is way better than it has any business being. When they ended season 2 with Omega getting captured by the Empire, I was worried. I really want Crosshair to leave the Empire and rejoin his band of brothers. When Tech died, that really sucked. These are cartoon Clone Troopers and I still cared what happened to them.
The plot of season 3 is pretty easy to guess. Hunter, Wrecker, and Echo need to rescue Omega, try to get Crosshair out of the Empire, and see if Tech is actually alive. They also need to either go after or make up with Cid and see if they can help out the rest of the Clone Troopers that have been discarded by the Empire in favor of the Stormtroopers. That’s a lot for three Clones to do, but I think they’ll be up for it.
A few stray thoughts/observations for the upcoming season.
Redemption has always been a big part of the Star Wars narrative, especially in the Filoniverse. I fully expect Crosshair to get a chance to redeem himself. Most likely he’ll be commanding some Stormtroopers that have almost captured what’s left of Clone Force 99 when he has a change of heart and saves his bros.
Decent chance Cid is going to get a redemption arc as well.
Obviously they’re going to rescue Omega, it’s just a matter of how quickly they do it. I’m guessing in the first third of the season. That may even be how the first 3 episodes kick off.
Is Tech alive? My gut says he’s going to be a triumphant return but I really wish that dead characters would stay dead. Like the shock I felt when Tech died seems a little cheaper if he shows back up this season.
Cloning has been a big part of Star Wars for a long time. Can it all be traced back to what was more or less a throwaway line from Luke to Obi-Wan in A New Hope? It seems like they are setting up a through line with the cloning the Empire is doing in The Bad Batch to Moff Gideon’s experiments in The Mandalorian to Palpatine’s return in The Rise of Skywalker.
Always glad to see Palpatine show up. If for no other reason than it makes it a little easier to convince Emperor Palpatine’s #1 Fan to watch the show with me.
There’s a part of me that wonders if they’re going to kill off Clone Force 99 at the end of the show, a la the end of Rogue One. They sacrifice themselves to save…something or someone. It seems unlikely that they’d kill off Omega, but then you’re stuck with the question of where was she during the Original Trilogy. It’s a challenge when you create new characters that would be alive during the Original Trilogy but obviously aren’t in the movies because they weren’t created at the time.
The Bad Batch is the first of the Disney shows where we know what the end date is. The season kicks off with a three-episode premiere on February 21st. Can’t wait!
Ventress is Dead. Long Live Ventress
In The Last Jedi, Luke tells Leia “no one’s ever really gone.” And while Leia is talking about Ben Solo’s turn to the Dark Side and she hopes he can be redeemed; Luke might as well be talking about how death really isn’t permanent in the galaxy far far away, it’s more of just a temporary inconvenience. Case in point, at the end of the season 3 Bad Batch trailer we got to see the return of Asajj Ventress.
Ventress, as a quick refresher for those who have either forgotten or never knew, was introduced in the Clone Wars series. She was commander in the Separatist Army and more or less worked with/for/against/as a frenemy with Count Dooku and General Grievous. While she wasn’t a Jedi, she was a Force user and a Nightsister and often battled Obi-Wan Kenobi. Also, you could cut the sexual tension between Kenobi and Ventress with a…what’s the opposite of a lightsaber? You could cut the tension with a dull bantha bone. When we last saw Ventress, however, she was being laid to rest after sacrificing herself to save Jedi Quinlan Vos3. To be clear, she was dead.
I’m not sure what the symbol on her pauldron is, but I’m certain it’s going to be important down the road. Also, she has hair and yellow lightsaber. A decidedly non-Sith/Dark Jedi color.
So how did Ventress cheat death and come back to life? Well, the real Sickos might have a clue. In a Legends comic book series from 2005, after getting zapped by Count Dooku’s Force lightning, she ends up going into a Force healing trance, cheats death, and then commandeers a Republic medical ship and disappears. Leaving her fate up in the air. Of course that’s Legends, as far as we know in Canon she’s dead. Or at least that was the case until Monday.
So how exactly are they going to retcon Ventress into someone who is dead into someone who is alive? Per Brad Ray, an executive producer and supervising director: “We don't want to spoil anything, but want fans to know that any new storytelling with Ventress will align with the events of Star Wars: Dark Disciple.”
Well there you go. We’ll find out pretty soon.
Great Ideas for Disney Free of Charge
So a couple weeks I wrote about my puzzlement that there hasn’t been a stand alone Darth Vader series. Still think it seems like a no-brainer. This week, my top 5 ideas for movies or shows in the Star Wars universe.
1: A buddy comedy with the two Scout Troopers from the first season of The Mandalorian. You know which episode I’m taking about, the one where Ted Lasso punches Baby Yoda.
Just a couple of Scout Troopers in the Imperial Remnant, hanging around on Navarro and having whacky adventures. Think of it as Reno 911 but in the Star Wars galaxy.
2: An American Idol style show with Huyang and Chopper. Galaxy Idol, where contestants from all across the galaxy far far away compete in a musical competition. Huyang is the Simon Cowell type, if you’re flat he’s going to let you know with his dry British wit. Chopper is more of the wild card. If he doesn’t like you, you’re gonna zapped. Or worse.
3: The Darth Vader show. See two weeks ago for the plot.
4: A Star Wars variety show. Really lean into the cocaine-fueled insanity that was the Star Wars Holiday Special. Call up Saturday Night Live and ask for all the sketches that got rejected for being too dumb or too weird and send them over to a Lucasfilm writers room where nitrous oxide has been pumped into the room. Tell the writers their only instructions are the sketches have to be set in the Star Wars universe and they need to get weird with it.
5: The Office: Death Star Human Resources edition. So it’s The Office but set on the Death Star. You’ve got the Imperial Junior Officer who’s in charge. The Stormtrooper who thinks he’s in charge but really isn’t. A few other Stormtroopers who just want to make it through the day without falling off a walkway with no guardrails, and the annoying guy in the Death Star OSHA department. Just your bunch of office drones trying to process time off requests and hire a new janitorial staff for the glory of the Empire.
6: Bonus suggestion! Star Wars Detours. Obviously not my creation. But come on, Disney. Do Seth Green a solid and just release the episodes.
From the Depths of Wookieepedia
This week we’re going old school with Rust Never Sleeps. No, not the album from Neil Young & Crazy Horse. This is an old school comic from 1982. R2-D2 and C-3PO go to a planet full of junked droids to warn them the Empire is coming to capture and melt them all down for their metal. The droids end up killing the Stormtroopers and destroying a Star Destroyer. It’s only 5 pages but is notable since it was written by Alan Moore. As I’ve mentioned, I’m not a big comics guy but even I know he’s a big deal.
Also, the Neil Young Rust Never Sleeps is a banger of an album.
News From the HoloNet
Michael Jackson Tried To Play An Infamous Star Wars Character
Meesa bad and meesa knowin’ it, okee day!
Texas 'Star Wars' fans feel the force in new documentary about them
Can only assume my email for this accidentally went to the spam folder.
Harrison Ford’s original Star Wars script from 1976 to be auctioned
Bring your Republic Credits.
That’s it for this week. If you like what I’m doing, please subscribe. I’ll catch you next week, and may the Force be with you.
Located 3 floors down from the Death Star Human Resources Department.
Yeah, like this thing actually gets edited…
This was in the Dark Disciple book. So you didn’t actually see it.
Sign me up for a Star Wars version of The Office! Office Spaces might work just as well. More corporate incompetence, less rom-com.