The Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter: April 20, 2026
Grogu will cure a case of the Mondays
Hello there
It’s Monday morning. You’re dreading logging on and work and seeing what fresh hell is waiting for you in your Teams notifications. Your weekend was meaningless since there wasn’t a Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter last Friday. But what’s this in your inbox? A Monday morning Death Star HR? Suddenly the week is looking up. There’s a new Mando trailer. There’s a new Spaceballs 2 teaser. And the Death Star HR Book Club is back.
As always, thanks for reading Death Star HR. If you’re reading this and you’re not a subscriber, I’d love it if you entered your email below and smashed that subscribe button. There’s also an official Death Star HR Instagram and an official Death Star HR YouTube page as well and I’d love it if you subscribed there as well.
This Is Where The Fun Begins
Disney pulling out all the stops from The Mandalorian and Grogu.
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I’m not sure what it says about the state of our culture where we have a Mando and Grogu/Wrestlemania crossover. That’s not a shot at professional wrestling at all. I don’t watch it now, but back in college all my buddies and I would watch Monday Night RAW. It’s just not something I would expect.
DSHR Podcast: The Top Star Wars Scenes
The Death Star Human Resources Department Podcast returns. This week I’m talking with Christopher Wilbur who writes Our Star Wars Scenes here on Substack.
We talk about Attack of the Clones, what it took for him to watch, rank, and write this top 100 Star Wars scenes, and a whole lot more. So give us a watch and make sure you’re subscribed to Our Star Wars Scenes.
Shadow Lord: It’s Only After We’ve Lost Everything That We’re Free To Do Anything
Editor’s Note: I know episodes 5 and 6 of Shadow Lord are out. Those will be covered this Friday.
It never ceases to amuse me that Fight Club and Star Wars will be forever tied together. One is a movie that is a scathing critique of capitalism and consumer culture and the worst person you know completely misses the point of the movie1. The other is the franchise that helped create the modern blockbuster as we know it and set the template for merchandising. How many tons of plastic Star Wars paraphernalia are in landfills. After humanity has wiped itself out, extra-terrestrial archeologists will unearth a bunch of Star Wars figures and conclude we worshiped Chewbacca as a god.
There is a point, episode 3 of Maul: Shadow Lord gave us the first meeting between Maul and Devon Izara. Maul’s stated goal is to get an apprentice. He might not be a Sith Lord but he’s still down with the Rule of Two. And rather than killing her with a lightsaber, he decides to kill her with kindness.
Maul offers Devon what she wants, which is a chance to fight. Devon and her Master, Eeko-Dio Daki have been surviving but not thriving. Devon stealing the fruit against Eeko-Dio Daki’s advice is an act of frustration. Daki preaches the typical Jedi advice. Be patient. Trust the Force. Stay out of sight, yada yada yada. The last one is good advice. At this point we don’t know if Daki and Devon are aware of the Inquisitors. But we do know for the trailers at the very least we’re going to see Marrok and the Eleventh Brother. Possibly Barris Offee as an Inquisitor as well. Her helmet is in the opening credits.
We can all agree that eventually Devon is going to turn to the dark side, right? Even if she’s not actually Darth Talon, it will be one of those Yuuzhan Vong/Grysk type of situations, where’s she’s Darth Talon even if she gets a different name. Anyway, all the teaching from the Jedi Temple still has a hold on Devon. She’s tempted by Maul’s offer that they join forces and have a grand adventure fighting Darth Sidious. After all, he’s responsible for their current predicaments. She of course refuses and runs off after a lightsaber duel. But she’ll be back.
One really can’t blame Devon when she eventually goes dark side though. All she’s known in life is either at the Jedi Temple or hiding from the Empire. It’s no way to live. She’s lost everything, so why not give the dark side a try.
Side note, Two-Boots has gone from beloved side character to Two-Boots Licker. Calling in the Empire like that? What a narc.
It’s the Final Countdown…Errr…Trailer
By the time you read this, we’ll be just over a month away from The Mandalorian and Grogu. And that means we got the Final Trailer!
Tickets are on sale. I’ll see you at the movies. Well, I actually won’t. But you know what I mean.
Spaceballs: The Teaser Trailer
The Spaceballs sequel has been teased since, well, Spaceballs. Which was 39 years ago. Wild. It’s funny to think Spaceballs was only 4 years after Return of the Jedi and only 10 years after Star Wars debuted.
While Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money was a very, very good joke, it worked then and it still works now, but I didn’t think it would actually be the name. Mel would switch it up to keep us on our toes. I believe it was Rick Moranis who once suggested Spaceballs 3: The Search for Spaceballs 2. There’s no new footage, just the name: Spaceballs: The New One.
Honestly, I like it because The Force Awakens could have been called Star Wars: The New One. As Mel Says, “It’s just like the old one, but it’s newer.”
I’m sure I’m not the first person to say it, but it seems obvious there’s going to be Baby Yogurt a la Baby Yoda, right? Grogurt maybe?
A Bigger Party Than A Chandrilan Wedding
As we all know, or at least you should know if you’re a regular reader here, next year is the 50th anniversary of Star Wars. I don’t really like thinking about it because while I am not older than Star Wars, I’m also not that much younger. It’s kinda scary to think about, that the grim reaper is stalking me like Sand People stalking Luke Skywalker in the Dune Sea. But, I’m not going out yet. At least not before I make it to Star Wars Celebration 2027.
It’s far too easy to make a joke about Los Angeles being the wretched hive of scum and villainy and honestly, I like California. Every time I’ve visited, I’ve always had a good time. I know there’s all the ‘DON’T CALIFORNIA MY TEXAS’ nonsense down here, but that’s largely so state leaders can have a scapegoat to blame so people will ignore the fact the Texas power grid is basically held together with duct tape and prayer. I don’t think California cares about us, they’re too busy enjoying mountains and oceans and good weather.
Anyway, all that to say that Tickets for Star Wars Celebration go on sale May 6th. Nobody, as far as I know, knows who or what exactly we’re going to see at Star Wars Celebration. I think it’s safe to say Uncle George will be there in some capacity. There were people online in groups hoping he’d sign autographs but that seems unlikely2. Same with Harrison Ford who thinks we’re all a bunch of weirdos. Also seems very likely there will be an extended sneak peak at Starfighter. But given the current lack of announced projects, who knows what kind of treats there will be for us.
The entire team at Death Star HR, ie me, are planning on being there. I’ve suggested a few times to Emperor Palpatine’s #1 Fan she come to a con and do a Triumph the Insult Comic Dog type of routine, but so far she has declined.
Mark your calendars and I’ll see you in all in the city of (are you an) angels.
The Death Star Human Resources Department Book Club
It’s been a while since I’ve had an entry for the Death Star HR Book Club. My goal this year was actually to get more books read, not less. And here I am halfway through April and I’m behind. It’s not all bad I suppose, this is the fifth Death Star HR Book Club of the year, even if one entry was for a comic book. I’m taking a little break from Legends Expanded Universe books to read a couple canon ones. And then it will be back to the EU. I haven’t picked up an almost complete collection of EU paperbacks to not read them.
Title: The Living Force
Series: Standalone.
Author: John Jackson Miller
Date published: April 9, 2024
Pages: 432
Status: Canon
Summary in less than 20 words: The Jedi Council takes a road trip but they can’t outrun generational trauma.
Something Star Wars sort of hand waves away, like a Jedi Mind Trick, is the process in which a child somewhere in the Star Wars galaxy gets to be a Jedi. We know some of the process, even if we don’t see it we’re told enough. You go to the Jedi Temple, and you train. Then eventually if you do a good enough job you’re a Padawan and you train one on one with an older Jedi. Do good there and you get to cut your little braid off and become a full-fledged Jedi Knight. Guardian of Peace and Justice in the Galaxy. And who knows, maybe your first assignment as a Jedi Knight will be kidnapping Force sensitive children.
I’m just saying, if you remove the word “Jedi” it sure looks like a religious order engaging in child trafficking with the approval of the government.
There’s no doubt there are plenty of parents on planets like Coruscant or Corellia or Kaut who would seek out the Jedi if they thought their kids had any Force powers. Because why not? Living in the Jedi Temple, especially during a time of relative peace, would be a pretty sweet deal. But what about in places off the beaten path? The Jedi couldn’t even find the Chosen One out on Tatooine before he was too old to be trained. It was only thought a very complex scheme that Anakin even made it to the Temple. Out on Brendok, Masters Sol and Indara basically threaten Mother Aniseya and the coven with the full backing of the Republic; give us your children, or else. And the Sol even leaves with Osha after the Jedi Council tells him not to. How many parents lost their kids to the Jedi Order against their will?
Not only that, what do you think it did to the children? To be ripped away from their parents by a bunch of warrior monks with laser swords and mostly bad haircuts. You tell someone that you want to go home, only for some little green weirdo to say “your home, this temple is now.” It’s probably a good thing the Sith had the Rule of Two because you have to think there’s a lot of kids with a lot of abandonment issues. It would make for pretty good recruiting grounds for the Sith.
Which brings us to Zilastra, the main villain in the book. Zil, as she was known to her friends, had a grand scheme to become a pirate queen. Her crew, the Riftwalkers, might be the new pirate crew on the block out in The Slice, but Zil’s got big plans that she’s going to unite the various pirate crews with her in charge. Good goals, especially for an orphan (more on that in a bit).
Meanwhile, the Jedi Council is in a bit of a rut. They’re bogged down in the paperwork and minutia of leading an organization of warrior monks who can move things with their mind. It’s exciting to be a Jedi Master when you’re out having adventures, battling pirates or the Sith. It’s a lot less exciting when you’re sorting documents from a decommissioned Jedi outpost on some distant planet that includes, but are not limited to, a catering bill involving a Hutt. I know Yoda said a Jedi does not crave adventure and excitement, but surely there’s a happy medium between fighting the Sith and mountains of paperwork.
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan have a run in with some dim-witted pirates on a passenger ship, and rather than being in awe of the Jedi, the unwashed masses express anger that the Jedi closed an outpost on their planet and it allowed the pirate gangs and criminal syndicates to take over. The nerve of the rabble!
Qui-Gon gets the bright idea that the Jedi have become a little too comfortable in their literal ivory tower and pitches the Council on a Jedi road trip. He proposes that since the Jedi are going to close an outpost on Kwenn, a planet in The Slice, they all go to Kween, get in touch with the real people, and maybe not close the outpost after all. Of course, the Council doesn’t really want to do this. I think there’s a reason that when we first meet the Jedi Council in The Phantom Menace, Mace Windu looks extremely annoyed at Qui-Gon. Mace has dealt with years of Qui-Gon’s nonsense, bad enough they had to do this Jedi retreat, but then he thinks some desert rat is the Chosen One?
And finally, at least one member of the Jedi Council gets to have an adventure. Master Depa Billaba is working undercover in The Slice, trying to take down some pirates. This kinda seems like overkill to have a member of the Jedi Council doing this. Surely there’s some local law enforcement that should be handling this, or at most this should be a the job for a Jedi Knight. While undercover she befriends Kylah, an orphan who wants to be a pirate and is hooked up with Zilastra (file this under obvious foreshadowing).
Everything comes to a head on Kween. The Jedi Council have to get out and get their hands messy, literally and figuratively, and remember that there’s more to being a Jedi than paperwork and moving things with your mind. The Force runs through all living things in the galaxy so it’s a good idea to get out and actually talk and interact with people. They also have to work together with the citizens of Kween to A) restore their faith in the Jedi and B) fight off the pirates.
So, I promised to address this. Why was Zilastra so mad at the Jedi? I mentioned she was an orphan. While she was being raised in orphanage with her two friends, Jedi Master Syfo-Dyas, the Clone army creator, paid a visit to the orphanage and decided that while her friends would be good candidates for Jedi training, Zilastra herself was not and she was too be left behind to fend for herself. To be fair to the Jedi, Syfo-Dyas wasn’t supposed to do this. But he seems to care about Jedi regulations about as much as Qui-Gon did. So yeah, Zilastra was abandoned and left in an orphanage and then the Jedi took her only friends. You really can’t blame her for having a grudge against the Order.
I’ve read some of other Star Wars books by John Jackson Miller, the Expanded Universe novel Kenobi is a good one, and never picked up on any overtly political leanings from him. Likewise Miller’s social media is generally just updates on convention appearances and regular updates about what he’s up to. I also can’t help but wonder if this is supposed to be some sort of meta-commentary on America and maybe the world these days. The gap between the haves and the have nots is increasing. We’re in what’s called a K-shaped economy. It’s not a perfect one to one extrapolation to the galaxy far, far away, but the Jedi are certainly part of the elite of the galaxy. Even if they’re not rich (has Star Wars ever said if the Jedi get a salary?) they are high-status just by having telekinesis and being able to carry a laser sword. Anakin gets to meet with the Chancellor in his private opera box in Revenge of the Sith. The Jedi are in regular communication with high ranking Republic officials. And even getting off of Corsucant, the Jedi are routinely called on to handle disputes between various important people throughout the galaxy. Is this Jackson trying to say (or state the obvious) that the elites in society are out of touch? Or am I just reading too much into it.
The Good:
This is a genuinely good Star Wars book. Miller gives all the members of the Jedi Council time to shine and their own personality. It would have been really easy to ignore the “lesser” members and just focus on say Yoda, Mace Windu, and Ki-Adi-Mundi. But instead Yaddle, Yarael Ploof, and Even Piell all get things to do.
Likewise, Jackson manages to keep the story moving even with all the characters that need some time. I’ve thought with other Star Wars books that try to have too many characters can get confusing. Not this one.
Zalistra is a good villain. It would have been easy to make her one dimensional, but she’s not. I know there is some consternation among some people I see on Substack that we can’t just have villains that are evil for the sake of being evil. And I’d argue Star Wars has those. The Sith are generally just bad dudes and dudettes. But there’s also room for the sympathetic villains like Zalistra.
The Bad:
Not much and I’m kinda reaching to think of something. While I complimented Miller that he gave all the members of the Jedi Council their own story and time to shine, the middle of the book also felt like we were just sending the Council members on side quests so each one could get their pages.
And even then, all the Jedi Council Members doing side quests had a point because each of them got to reconnect to people in their own way. But it still felt bogged down at times.
Wild Card:
Mr. Miller, this is libel against my profession and you will be hearing from my lawyer (me) shortly.
Next up is the canon novel Master of Evil by Adam Christopher. I’m pretty excited, it’s a Vader novel and had really good reviews.
Things My Wife Has Said About Star Wars
It’s Friday night. Emperor Palpatine’s #1 Fan and I are talking about what we’re going to do and if there’s anything we want to watch.
Me: It’s OK, I already picked out what we’re going to watch.
Her: Is it Darth Stupidhead?
Me: Uh, no.
Her: Is it the Tigers?
Me: Yup.
Me: Darth Stupidhead, really?
Her: Not my best work, but I didn’t have anything locked and loaded.
Maybe I won’t take her to Celebration to do her Triumph routine of Darth Stupidhead is the best she’s coming up with.
This Day in Star Wars History
Two births and a death to cover on April 20th in the Star Wars universe.
A man who needs no introduction, George Takei was born in 1937. Takei of course is best known for playing Sulu in Star Trek. But he voiced Lok Durk in the The Clone Wars along with voicing two different characters in Visions. He was also the first Star Trek regular to have a part in Star Wars.
Someone else who doesn’t need any introduction, Andy Serkis was born in 1964. Serkis established I guess what is a niche for himself doing motion capture work. He’s best known as the one ring-loving Gollum in the Lord of the Rings movies. Who hasn’t uttered “my precious” in a creepy voice at some point? In the galaxy far, far away he played Snoke in the Sequel Trilogy along with Kino Loy in the first season of Andor. An unforgettable character in a show filled with unforgettable characters.
Scottish actor Alex McCrindle passed away in 1990. McCrindle played General Dodanna in A New Hope, and is believe it or not, the first person on film to say “may the Force be with you.” He also had a pretty lengthy career in the UK, both in movies and television.
From the Depths of Wookieepedia
As you all know, KOTOR and KOTOR II are some of my favorite video games. And when the randomizer turned up a random item from KOTOR II, you know that’s what I was going with. This week is the Strength D-package.
The Strength D-package augmented the user's strength and stamina without the need for increased muscle mass through a combination of regulating brain stem functions and small doses of adrenal stimulants. The technology of D-package implants had the consequence of rendering them larger and more intrusive than other types. Thus, they tended to have more impressive effects, but could only be used by very healthy individuals.
Basically proteinmaxxing but in the Old Republic.
News From the HoloNet
Super rare Boba Fett action figure fetches $1.3 million at auction
If I win the lottery, there will be signs.
Lego’s May the 4th Star Wars drop is here, and half the sets are under $50
OK, the Naboo N-1 ship is really cool. It’s not $250 worth of cool though.
New ‘Star Wars’ Series on Disney Plus Shatters Streaming Records
The people demanded more Maul.
Disney Refuses To Bring Back The One Character Who Could Save Star Wars
I am going to write about the whole Mara Jade thing on Friday. But saying she’s the character who could save Star Wars is classic clickbait. So don’t click. He’s talking about Mara Jade.
That’s it for this week. If you like what I’m doing, please subscribe. I’ll catch you next week, and may the Force be with you.
Thank you for reading The Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter. This post is public so feel free to share it. It is your destiny!
If you meet someone that views Tyler Durden as a hero or role model, run.
I’ve had a theory for a while that Lucas has always been a little embarrassed by Star Wars’ success.
Get those trigger fingers ready on May 6th, probably gonna sell out fast👍🏻
You know, I see why you didn't like that joke in the novel, but it could have been worse. There was an abandoned subplot involving a character named Kffej and here's an excerpt:
Looking right at him, Mace Windu says, "We kill pirates."
Kffej responds, "I am not a pirate. I am a lawyer."
Mace yells, "Kill the lawyer!" All of the Jedi behind him raise their lightsabers and shout in unison: "KILL THE LAWYER!"
Exasperated, Kffej says, "I'm not that kind of lawyer," and runs away.
(In case you didn't realize it, I made that all up as a joke. I got it from a movie. Who caught that reference?)