The Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter: January 12, 2024

Big movie news, the most obvious streaming series, and workin' at the car wash

Jan 12, 2024

Hello there

Hello and welcome to this week’s edition of the Death Star Human Resources Department newsletter. Consider this the first real newsletter of the year. I’ve recovered from whatever diseases the Star Wars Holiday Special gave me. This battlestation is now fully armed and operational and we’ve got a fun newsletter this week. There’s some huge movie news. We’ve got my thoughts on why there isn’t a Darth Vader streaming series. And a showdown between an upstart rebel and an evil empire. Plus all the usual assorted nonsense.

As always, if you like what I’m doing here at Death Star HR, please tell a friend to subscribe or forward them the email. There’s no marketing budget here, just me posting through it. So make your New Years Resolution to tell a friend about Death Star HR. It’s a resolution you'll actually be able to keep.

This Is Where The Fun Begins

Family reunions can be heartwarming. At least Dad wasn’t there to ruin it.

author

Mark Hamill on Instagram: “Now I have finally met my “mother”, thanks to the @goldenglobes”

January 10, 2024

Noting the all-black that Hamill is wearing, a la Return of the Jedi. Should we be concerned he’s been tempted by the Dark Side?

New Year, New Reads

So if you’re reading this, you’re probably a Star Wars fan. You could be a person I know in real life that I guilted into signing up. But you’re probably at least a bit of a Star Wars fan as well. Like an army of Ewoks, the Star Wars Substack community is small but mighty. If you’re looking for anything else to read, here’s a list of all1 the Star Wars and Star Wars adjacent Substacks:

5am Story Talk - by Cole Haddon
Ahch-To Baby - by Matthew Freeman
All The Fanfare - by Eric Pierce
Damage Per Second - by Jesse Bartel
Now This is Lit - by Meg Dowell
Questis - by Sam Page
Space Wizards Book Club - by Chelsea Zukowski
The Long Take - by Jen Sopchockchai Bankard

Check them out and tell ‘em Death Star HR sent you.

Little Alien, Big Screen

By the time you’re reading this, you’ve probably already heard the news. Especially if you’re a sicko. But in case you haven’t, the adventures of Din Djarin and his weird looking adopted son, Din Grogu are heading to the big screen. That’s right, the Mando and Baby Yoda movie is coming to a theater near you!

Directed by Jon Favreau, and produced by Favreau, Kathleen Kennedy, and Dave Filoni, The Mandalorian & Grogu will go into production in 2024.
“I have loved telling stories set in the rich world that George Lucas created,” said Favreau. “The prospect of bringing the Mandalorian and his apprentice Grogu to the big screen is extremely exciting.”

Yes, Jon. It is exciting!

The Mandalorian and Baby Yoda watching a movie at a movie theater — That’s not enough snacks for Grogu.

Disney has not officially said that this is Season 4 of The Mandalorian but it certainly seems like that will be the case. Another 8 episodes of the show along with the movie would be a lot of work to produce. Pedro Pascal is a busy man, it’s not easy being the internets’ daddy. Also with the time constraints of a movie, 3 hours at most - more likely 2 hours 30 minutes or so, Favreau can focus on the Mando/Grogu relationship. The biggest complain with season 3 of The Mandalorian was it wandered a bit and never really decided on the story it wanted to tell. Now, to be clear I think seasons 1 and 2 are way better, but season 3 doesn’t deserve some of the hate it gets. I really liked the episode with Dr. Pershing and Elia Kane. But I think saying that season 3 felt unfocused is a legitimate criticism. Give the people what they want, Mando and Grogu having adventures.

Also, and we got this as basically a throwaway line, Ahsoka season 2 confirmation.

The Mandalorian & Grogu will lead Lucasfilm's ongoing feature-development slate, including films helmed by Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy, James Mangold, and Dave Filoni, who is also currently developing Ahsoka Season 22, among those in the works.

Oh yeah, BTW we’re confirming what is really the worst kept secret, another season of Ahsoka. No big deal. Just Disney casually mentioning that. It’s not like it wasn’t going to happen.

And the kicker, this was just announced seemingly out of nowhere. This wasn’t a big production at Star Wars Celebration. It wasn’t a big event on YouTube or announced at a ComicCon or anything like that. This was a random Tuesday news dump. Go figure.

Production hasn’t started yet so we’re probably looking at 18 - 24 months until we see The Mandalorian & Grogu on the big screen, which begs the question. Can I do a mid-night showing in my mid-40’s? It wasn’t a big deal to see the Prequels at midnight. But you value your sleep at lot more in your 40’s than you do your 20’s. Or at least, you should. I think I can do it thought. This is the way.

Where Art Thou, Six Episodes of Darth Vader?

A couple weeks ago, a buddy texted me to tell me he had just finished watching Obi-Wan Kenobi. Considering that the show came out almost two years ago, I did pause to re-evaluate my friendship. Do I really want to keep someone in my life who can’t be bothered to keep up with the Disney+ streaming shows? But, I remembered that he has a busy job and a couple of Padawans at home so I guess he can be excused for being a bit behind. I guess. We traded a few texts about the show and then he asked the question that has been puzzling me for a while.

Where is the Darth Vader streaming show?

I mean, it seems like the most obvious show in the world, right? Set it between Revenge of the Sith and A New Hope when Vader is at the height of his powers. Just make the plot Vader going around the galaxy hunting down the remaining Jedi who escaped Order 66 that the Inquisitors can’t get to. Maybe a side plot of him struggling to adapt being Dark Lord of the Sith and thinking of his own Rule of Two plot to overthrow Emperor Palpatine. Whether or not you give him an internal struggle, you have the chance to have one of the best known characters in the world having awesome lightsaber duels and engaging in space combat every week. That’s giving the people what they want!

Wait…I’ve got the plot of the series. While the episodes focus on Vader learning to really be a Sith and hunting down remaining Jedi, in the opening episode he hears rumors of a Togruta with Force powers, and sets off to find out if his old Padawan, Ahsoka Tano, is still alive. And if she is, to once again have her be his apprentice, but this time she’s his apprentice in the ways of the Sith.

Anyway, back to my original point. So why hasn’t it happened?

I don’t have a good answer. This has been something I’ve been thinking about ever since the first season of The Mandalorian was announced and Disney pivoted to streaming. Friends, family members, and people next to me in line at the coffee shop have all been subjected to my thoughts that a Vader streaming series is a great idea.

It’s not because we don’t have a Darth Vader. I took a look at Hayden Christensen’s IMDB page. He’s not busy these days. He clearly likes playing Vader and it’s not like he’s on the outs with Disney or anything.

So I have two theories as to why this hasn’t happened. Honestly, I don’t think either of them are very good theories, but I don’t have any better ones.

Disney wants to tell this story via the Darth Vader comic series. I’ve mentioned before that I’m not a comic book guy. I have nothing against comic books and have some good friends and Death Star HR readers that are really into them, but it’s just not my jam. There are, at least per the article I linked about, three different canon Vader series including one that is still ongoing. It’s my understanding they’ve been pretty well received. It’s entirely possible Disney has decided they’re going to just going to let Vader’s main story be told on the comic page and he’ll just do the occasional pop-in for TV shows.
Disney does not think they can tell the story in a way that will satisfy everyone. Look, coming up with something that keeps both the Normies and the Sickos happy is a tall order. I’m not someone who thinks everything Disney has done since buying Star Wars is bantha poodoo. Far from it. Rogue One, Andor, and the first two seasons of The Mandalorian are top tier Star Wars. But, it’s one thing to not stick with the landing with the Sequel Trilogy or with Boba Fett’s story. It’s a whole other thing to give people six to eight episodes of Darth Vader and have it be a dud.

Like I said, I’m not sure I believe either of these theories. From the little bit I know about the Vader comics, they’re supposed to be pretty good. But is comic book really the medium that Disney wants to use to tell the story of Darth Vader? A Darth Vader TV show is going to get the normies to watch. Star Wars comics are for the real sickos though. I just have a hard time believing the Mouse House really thinks pen and paper is the best format for the story of Star Wars’ most iconic character.

Which leaves me the second option, Disney is worried they’re not going to get it right, and if you screw up Darth Vader, you’ve screwed the brand. Maybe, I guess this could be a thing. I’m sure the stakes are lower creating a series with new characters like Mando or Cassian Andor where fans don’t have the same attachment that they do to Darth Vader. However, Disney made shows for Obi-Wan Kenobi and Boba Fett. One was certainly better than the other but you can’t blame Disney for trying. And I cut both of those shows a little slack as it was clear they were supposed to be movies that needed to be stretched into TV shows when the pivot to streaming happened. So it is tough for me to believe that Disney wouldn’t be willing to roll the dice.

As I’ve been writing this, one other possibility popped into my head. It’s sort of an extension of option 2, we’re calling it option 2.5. Disney doesn’t want to overexpose Darth Vader. As I discussed above, sometimes less is more. I don’t believe that’s the case here, the never-ending content machine always has to be fed. But I suppose it is a possibility.

In the end, that’s a lot of words to say I don’t know why we haven’t seen a Darth Vader streaming series yet but I am truly baffled that we haven’t.

Angrier Than a Wookiee Without a Hairdryer

There are some creatures in the Star Wars universe that you just don’t want to get on the wrong side of. A Wampa, a Rancor, a Hutt that you owe money to, a Dark Jedi in a hallway. All people or animals or aliens you don’t want to cross if you’re a resident of the galaxy far far away. But there’s one set of beings so evil, so terrifying that not even Emperor Palpatine himself would want to mess with them.

Disney’s army of lawyers.

a group of lawyers standing in a dark room holding red lightsabers and wearing Mickey Mouse ears — The worst deposition ever

And who has been the unlucky target of this Dark Side army? A car wash in Santiago, Chile.

SANTIAGO, Dec 27 (Reuters) - Walt Disney (DIS.N) production company Lucasfilm is suing a themed carwash on the outskirts of Chilean capital Santiago for plagiarizing its multibillion-dollar galactic film and television saga "Star Wars," lawyers for the carwash said.
Star Wash has shared videos on social media showing attendants dressed as "Star Wars" characters such as Chewbacca or a Stormtrooper wiping down hoods, bounty hunter Boba Fett and hero Cassian Andor wielding hosepipes instead of blasters and Darth Vader appearing to use The Force to summon cleaning cloths.

My immediate reaction:

I just learned I can insert gifs. This is trouble for everyone

The story, as I have read it, is that Matias Jara owns a car wash in or just outside of the capital city of Santiago. While on vacation at Disney World, his daughter suggested the “Star Wash” name and theme, and Jara came home and ran with it. You’ve got Mando directing traffic, Stormtroopers and Darth Vader polishing the cars, and a Sith Lord working the front desk. This looks awesome.

So where did Jara go wrong to bring down the wrath of the Mouse House?

The law firm representing the carwash said that while owner Matias Jara was in the process of registering his brand with Chilean patent authority INAPI, he received a lawsuit from the franchise's creator, Lucasfilm.

I will caveat this with mentioning that I am not a trademarks attorney, I do not practice in the IP space. I did take a class on it in law school and actually really enjoyed it. Anyway, Jara, my dude. You built your carwash brand using Disney’s characters and logos and then you attempted to trademark your brand. What on Hoth did you think was going to happen? You don’t need Jedi powers to foresee Disney is going to bring the thunder here. You should just be glad Disney only sent a lawsuit instead of a bounty hunter.

From the Depths of Wookieepedia

This week we’ve got everybody’s favorite random Jedi, Farn Klin3. Best known for being in six whole episodes of the Clone Wars and nothing else, it seems safe to assume that Farn was killed in Order 66.

My favorite part of Farn’s entry in Wookieepedia is the lack of species for him.

How can this be? Every single human, alien, and droid in the Star Wars universe has to have a backstory. Farn is a reasonably fleshed out character, especially compared to some others who have their own Wookieepedia entry. But they couldn’t be bothered to say what alien species he belongs to? Just seems like an oversight on their part. Let’s bring Farn back, give him a 6 episode series on Disney+. Why not.