The Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter: March 8, 2024
Cerveza Cristal, HOPI R2-D2, bad uses of AI, the book club is back, and more
Hello there
Good morning or afternoon or evening or whenever and welcome to the March 8th edition of the Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter. I almost always type this section of Death Star HR last. Scrolling through it what I’ve written, I realized it’s a bit of a pivot to video. Don’t worry, Death Star HR is not going to copy the ill-fated pivot to video that doomed so many other media outlets in the mid-2010’s. I will continue to type at you with my Star Wars hot takes. But it was a good excuse to post some links to other things I love, namely clips from The Simpsons, The X-Files, and What We Do In The Shadows.
We’ve got a packed newsletter this week. An old Star Wars gag from 20 years ago found a new life online this week. The Bad Batch keeps on keepin’ on with episode 5. We look at Native American Star Wars art with a slight detour into an old family vacation. I’ve finished the third book of the New Jedi Order series. And Emperor Palpatine’s #1 Fan is back with a new Star Wars character for your nightmares.
As always, if you like Death Star HR, please tell a Star Wars loving friend. Our advertising budget is nothing but word of mouth. Now, let’s get to it.
This Is Where The Fun Begins
I was looking through my saved memes and funny stuff to find something for this section when I received a coded transmission from the Media Droid Vid3-O FL0. It was a tweet about how in 2003, when the Original Trilogy aired on TV in Santiago, Chile, rather than cut to commercial breaks, they “carefully” edited some commercials into the movie. Just watch.
Seamless, huh?
Lucas was reportedly not amused by this and filed a complaint with the Chilean Council for Self-Regulation and Advertising Ethics. In 2004, the Council ruled in favor of Lucas and issued a judgment that the commercials could not be aired again. The TV channel and Cerveza Cristal must have thought it was successful since they did it again, inserting ads into American Beauty, Gladiator, and Notting Hill.
This was one of those moments that felt like the old internet, before enshittification ruined it. It was something fun and everyone came together and had a good laugh. As far as I know there haven’t been any milkshake ducks revealed. Just good, weird fun. Something that doesn’t happen enough on the internet anymore.
It doesn’t appear you can get Chilean Cerveza Cristal in the US, or at least if you can it’s not very easy to find. There is a Peruvian Cerveza Cristal which appears to have wider distribution.
Now, pour yourself a Cerveza Cristal and enjoy the rest of this week’s Death Star HR.
The Bad Batch Hugs It Out
The band is back together! Or at least, all the remaining members of the band are back together. Not only is Crosshair back with Hunter and Wrecker, Echo shows up. We really haven’t seen a whole lot of our favorite reg turned Bad Batcher since the middle of season 2. He and Captain Rex have been off doing their thing trying to help the Clones out now that the Empire has decided they’re no longer useful.
I wouldn’t call it a flashback episode, more of a call back episode. Echo is back. The Bad Batch is holed up on their sanctuary planet of Pabu. And to get more info on the Clones being held by Dr. Hemlock in Mount Tantiss, they need to back to the Imperial depot on Barton IV. Probably a place Crosshair would prefer to avoid.
What are we going to make of Crosshair this season? Has he willingly turned his back on the Empire and realized his place is with Clone Force 99? Or is it just a case where if his choices are being stuck with his former team or being stuck in Mount Tantiss jail as a lab rat, he’s going to take the former? Either way, we’re going back to the scene of the crime. Where after all the missions and murder he did for the Empire, Crosshair finally had enough when an Imperial officer wouldn’t get medical attention for a fellow Clone Trooper and killed the Imperial.
The episode unfolds like most Bad Batch episodes. There’s a mission. Things go wrong enough to cause problems but not so wrong that someone dies. The mission gets completed. And in the end, we learn that the real Imperial depot was the friends we made along the way.
I’ve liked the inclusion of Batcher on the team. Someone else to help out, and pets are great. More pets, I say! It would be fun to see an episode through the eyes of Batcher.
I liked seeing Echo’s return but was hoping we’d get Rex as well. I’m sure we’ll see him soon enough. With Hunter maybe not in the right headspace since the return of Crosshair, Echo took the the lead on the mission and told everyone to quit fighting.
There was a lot less Omega in this episode. I admire her steadfast belief things can be better if you just hug it out. But this week was the Hunter/Crosshair story, so nothing wrong with her taking a backseat.
Given that Echo’s mission is gathering intel on Mount Tantiss and the Clones being held captive there, I’m thinking the show ends with a rescue mission. And Clone Force 99 doesn’t make it. Well, Omega probably does. But the rest of them don’t. Calling it now.
A Barren Landscape That Isn’t Tatooine
A couple weeks ago a friend of mine was in Arizona for spring break.
I mean, I couldn’t not post that.
But the more important video, at least for Death Star HR was this one.
HOPI R2-D2 was the result of the collaboration of Joe Mastroianni the engineer and Duane Koyawena the artist for an exhibition called “The Force is With Our People” at the Museum of Northern Arizona. It’s interesting to watch how HOPI R2-D2 was built, turns out you can’t just find all the parts at your local Wal-Mart. You need to have a head guy if you want a truly legit R2-D2 dome.
As a side note, as a youth, Darth Dad and Mom Mothma once took myself and my sister…err Sithster…to Arizona. One afternoon we drove around and looked at the Native American ruins, mostly cliff dwellings. While it was probably just a long afternoon, it felt like trying to get from Hoth to Bespin without a hyperdrive. Because when you’re looking at ruin after ruin with no context, time seems to stand still. Don’t get me wrong, they are interesting. But when you know nothing about the history of cliff dwellings or the tribes that created them, it’s more interesting in an abstract sense. Like “huh, there are homes built into cliffs. Neat” And it’s really only interesting the first time. After the fifth one, they all start to look alike.
I will admit, I knew very little about Native American culture at that time, probably anything I may have known would have come from episodes of The X-Files where Mulder, Scully, and Skinner make friends with Albert Hosteen, a Navajo code-talker.
Enough about old Death Star HR family vacations. My point that I want to make is context matters. In the video, it was far more interesting to me listening to Koyawena talk about how and why HOPI R2-D2 looks the way it does and some of the history of Hopi art and how he took those styles and traditions and transferred them to HOPI R2-D2. If you were just to look at HOPI R2-D2 you’d think it was pretty cool. But it gets better when you know why the artist painted HOPI R2-D2 the way he did.
Also, while my viewpoint on the world is generic white dude, I think it’s pretty easy to see why a story about a small group of out-manned and outgunned fighters that triumph over an imperialist government might just be appealing to a group of people who have had, ahem…less than great experiences with an imperialist government, to put it mildly. Something the art exhibit touches on.
The Force Is With Our People exhibit ended last year at the Museum, but it’s definitely worth checking out the videos.
Things My Wife Has Said About Star Wars
So as long time readers have probably picked up from this recurring section, my wife AKA Emperor Palpatine’s #1 Fan is a bit of a troll1. She doesn’t consider herself a Star Wars fan and pretty much all her knowledge of the galaxy far, far away is the result of our relationship. But a little bit of knowledge can be dangerous, which is how she came up with the character of Jar Jar Fett.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Over the years she realized that Star Wars fans love Boba Fett and hate Jar Jar Binks. So she started asking where the Jar Jar Fett character is. She knows there is no Jar Jar Fett. But she also knows putting those words together is just about guaranteed to raise the collective blood pressure of Star Wars fans everywhere. Lately, as the number of Star Wars t-shirts I own has grown, she’s stated the only way she’ll ever wear any kind of Star Wars merch is if it’s got Jar Jar Fett on it. Well, challenge accepted so off to the Bing AI generator I go.
Way too much like Mando. Not enough like Boba Fett. Although I can’t lie, that’s a pretty badass looking Gungan.
I can’t say this is the worst use of generative AI out there, there are far worse. But this is squarely in the top five. So now that this has been put out in the world, does anyone have a t-shirt guy? Because Emperor Palpatine’s #1 Fan is absolutely getting a Jar Jar Fett t-shirt as an anniversary gift2.
The Death Star Human Resources Department Book Club: New Jedi Order #3
Things are picking up with the New Jedi Order books. And by that I mean things are picking up in the plot, my reading speed is certainly not picking up. Two books a month will put me on track to finish the series this year, but that’s pretty slow for me.
Three books down, 16 to go.
Title: Dark Tide II: Ruin
Series: New Jedi Order. Book #3
Author: Michael A. Stackpole
Date published: June 6, 2000
Pages: 292
Status: Legends
Summary in less than 20 words: We get the war from the Vong’s perspective and the return of fan…not favorite but fan liked Imperial.
I said in the last book my biggest beef so far we really weren’t getting much information on the Yuuzhan Vong. In book three we’re finally starting to flesh them out. At the very end of the last book we met Shedao Shai, current commander of the Vong army. He’s big mad at Jedi Corran Horn since Horn is in possession of the bones of a relative and Shedao would like them back so he can give them a proper Vong burial. We’re doing another book where all our hero’s go on separate journeys only to meet back up at the end.
Luke and Anakin try to track down Daeshara'cor, a Twi’lek Jedi who has decided the best way to handle the growing threat of the Vong is get her green hands on some plans for the Empire’s old super weapons. Think the Death Star, or if you’re a Sicko, think the Sun Crusher or the Eye of Palpatine. On their journey, Anakin makes friends with Chalco, a ne’er do well scoundrel who functions as the Han Solo figure for the book, since Han is still handling Chewie’s death by getting drunk. Daeshara'cor realizes that revenge is not OK with the Jedi and comes to her senses before she does something dumb like build a super weapon.
Corran, Jacen Solo, and Ganner Rhysode are off to the planet Garqi to try to destroy a Vong base. While they’re on Garqi they discovery a weakness! The Vong’s living armor (because everything they have is living and not mechanical) just happens to be allergic to pollen from Ithorian Bafforr tree that just happen to have been planting on Garqi. How about that? Corran decides the best course of action after defeating Vong warriors is to destroy everything and hope the Vong don’t figure out what caused their armor to fair. Spoiler alert. They figure it.
In what I thought was the most interesting thread in the book, New Republic Senator and someone who definitely doesn’t think about the consequences Elegos A'Kla goes and meets with Shedao Shai. It’s deeper than your classic James Bond-style “get the villain to tell me his plan” chat. Shedao wants to learn about the the New Republic and how things are done in the galaxy. Elegos genuinely wants to learn the ways of the Yuuzhan Vong. Both of them think that maybe just maybe they can figure each other out and stop the war. But neither of them are naive enough to think it will actually work. Unfortunately for Elegos, once Shedao figures out Corran Horn and Elegos are buddies, he killed Elegos and ships his body back to Horn. Very Godfather.
The book’s climatic battle takes place in and above the planet Ithor. The New Republic knows they need that bafforr tree pollen and the Vong would prefer to wipe them out. We’ve got an old friend alert here. You see at this point the Empire isn’t dead. They’ve still got their little corner of the galaxy where they sit around and curse the New Republic and talk about the good old days when Palpatine was in charge. Leading the Imperial Remnant forces is Grand Admiral Pallaeon. In the Legends books he was best known as Grand Admiral Thrawn’s right hand man. The Imperials and the New Republic decide what beef they’ve had in the past, maybe put it aside because these Vong characters aren’t fun.
The battle gets underway. It’s not great. Daeshara'cor dies protecting Anakin. First Chewie and now Daeshara'cor. Anakin is having a rough time. Jania Solo’s buddy and fellow Rogue Squadron pilot Anni Capstan gets blown up. But just when you think it’s curtains for the New Republic, a plan emerges. Corran Horn and Shedao Shai decide they’ll duel for Ithor. There’s a ceasefire for a week and then it’s mano-a-mano combat for the planet.
Corran defeats Shedao in combat. The New Republic gets to keep Ithor and that precious bafforr pollen. Only to learn you should never make deals with religious fanatics hellbent on your destruction. The Vong unleash a bioweapon on the planets surface. The bacteria destroy all the native life. To make matters worse, the Vong warship gets blown up (that’s good) but it crashes into the surface of Ithor (that’s bad) and destroy and life that managed to survive the bioweapon (that’s also bad).
The book wraps with Corran Horn taking the fall for Ithor and leaving the Jedi. Once again, our heroes have won the battle, but at a great cost and their chances of winning the war are not great.
What worked:
In the last book I mentioned that for being a brand new big bad enemy, the book didn’t focus much on the Yuuzhan Vong themselves until the very end of the book. This time we got a lot more. Sure, Shedao Shai wants to wipe out the droid-loving New Republic heathens, but he also just wants to give his relative a proper burial, learn what he can from Elegos A'Kla, and on top of that he’s got to navigate Elegos A'Kla Yuuzhan Vong politics. Rough.
Speaking of politics, this book was probably the heaviest on politics. Sickos from the Expanded Universe days no doubt remember Borsk Fey'lya. A Bothan politician who’s usually there as a frenemy of Leia. Borsk is not happy that A) the Imperials are involved, B) the Jedi are involved, C) he’s stuck in a war zone, and D) his cousin, New Republic Admiral Traest Kre'fey let Pellaeon be in charge of the combined New Republic/Imperial forces.
What didn’t:
Like I said last for the last book, the books seem to follow a pattern. Things look bad, people in the New Republic bicker with each other, but everyone finds a way to win the battle but not the war. I recognize that these are Star Wars books, not always known for their complex plots, and they have to stretch this plot out over 19 books so there’s going to be some repetition.
Wild cards:
As spring has arrived early in Texas and allergies have started, I appreciate the idea that pollen can kill you. Seems like the author came up with this plot point on a day he was out of Zyrtec.
I have a new favorite expression I’m going try to work into normal conversation. “Emperor’s Black Bones, hun. I’m so glad you’re home from work.”
Next up is book 4, Agents of Chaos I: Hero’s Trial by James Luceno.
From the Depths of Wookieepedia
I wasn’t sure this would be possible, but I think I’ve found the most trivial Wookieepedia entry possible. The Unidentified Factory. I think, although I’m not positive it was the base for the Oliver Twist style gang that Han was a part of in Solo. Does that warrant a separate Wookieepedia entry? I guess it does.
News From the HoloNet
'Ahsoka,' 'Andor' and 'The Mandalorian' are coming to Disneyland's Star Tours
Incorporating Andor, a show about the dangers of fascism, into a Disney ride makes me laugh.
Obi-Wan Kenobi is Officially Dead, and That's for the Best
I liked Obi-Wan Kenobi, it was a fun show, but let’s call it a day.
Almost 20 Years Later, Star Wars Fans Spot An Incredible Revenge Of The Sith Mistake
Disney green-lighting an eight episode series for the Mustafar Man.
Mark Dodson, ‘Star Wars’ and ‘Gremlins’ Voice Actor, Dies at 64
R.I.P. Salacious Crumb.
That’s it for this week. If you like what I’m doing, please subscribe. I’ll catch you next week, and may the Force be with you.
When I read her this line, she replied “A bit? I’m offended by that. I work hard to be a real troll.” This is my life.
If it winds up being my last anniversary, it will have been worth it.
Those Cristal ads are hilarious. I hate that they cut them into the film but they are brilliant 😂
The Emperor's Black Bones, this is a great read!