The Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter: December 23, 2024
It's the last Death Star HR of the year
Hello there
So you have probably noticed that the last couple of weeks, the Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter hasn’t hit your inbox on Friday at 6:00 am like it normally does. I’ll elaborate a bit below, but it’s been way too busy for my liking lately. So here’s the last Death Star HR of the year. We’ve got the Neel-centric Skeleton Crew episode, I finally got around to watching the LEGO Star Wars Holiday Special, and I took a look back on 2024, the year that was, here at Death Star HR.
Just a reminder that a subscription to the Death Star Human Resources Department makes a great holiday present for yourself or any Star Wars loving friend or family member. And with it being free, the price is right.
This Is Where The Fun Begins
Recreating the Star Wars Holiday Special is certainly a choice. And these people are clearly having some fun with it. But you really can’t capture the certain je ne sais quoi that you get from a coked out Carrie Fisher doing the last song.
This Is Where The Fun Begins, Pt 2
Normally we don’t do two of these, although I certainly have enough funny pics and memes that maybe I should. But this one is topical so we’re going with it. Plus, as someone who has The X-Files high on the list of my all-time favorite TV shows, it’s in my wheelhouse. Surely by now you’ve heard about all the mysterious drone sightings that started in New Jersey and have spread across the US. What are they? Not sure but they’re probably not from another galaxy.
The FBI, the Homeland Security Department and state agencies have been investigating, but officials say there has been nothing so far to suggest any drones have posed a national security or public safety threat. Authorities say many of the drone sightings have actually been legal drones, manned aircraft, helicopters and even stars.
I mean, that’s what THEY want you to think. Thankfully though, we have people like Pennsylvania1 State Senator Doug Mastriano (R-Bunker Where Pop Culture Doesn’t Exist) on the case.
Yes, that is a real tweet.
Senator Mastriano is now claiming the tweet was a joke. I am willing to take him at his word that this was an attempt at a joke, despite containing nothing indicating he was trying to make a joke. Fair enough, my sense of humor is pretty dry as well. However a quick glance at the Senator’s Twitter feed and his platform from when he ran for Governor of Pennsylvania would suggest he doesn’t have a sense of humor. Oh well, hopefully he can laugh at it now because the internet doesn’t forget.
Transmission From Death Star HR HQ
Hey everyone, just a note that this will be the last Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter of the year. I’ll return with a new Death Star HR either January 3rd or January 10th, depending on how things go. Normally I would not stop in the middle of a series, but to be quite honest, I could use a break. I’ve written a Death Star HR every week since I started this in June 2023. A couple times there have even been two newsletters in a week. Don’t get me wrong, Death Star HR is a labor of love. I truly enjoy doing this every week. I’ve mentioned this before but when I started Death Star HR, I honestly had no idea if I could get anyone to read this outside of my friends and family that I more or less forced to subscribe. But, it’s been a very busy fall for me so a break is in order.
Please enjoy the last new newsletter if the year. I say new, since I think I am going to repost my live-watch of the Star Wars Holiday Special and schedule it to go out on Life Day. So from everyone here at Death Star HR: myself, Emperor Palpatine’s #1 Fan, and Darth Taco; thanks for reading all year, happy holidays, happy new year, and we’ll see everyone in 2025.
The Death Star HR 47 ABY Year In Review
I didn’t do a year in review last year, and I’m not sure why. But, we’re doing it this year. 2024, or 47 ABY as it would be called in the galaxy far far away, was the first full year of the Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter. There’s been quite a bit that happened.
I published 52 newsletters, including this one.
The newsletter with the most views was just a couple weeks ago. December 6, 2024 had 249 views. Not surprising that it coincided with the first week of a new show.
I made guest appearances in 3 other newsletters/podcasts. For May the 4th, I was on The Brian Lennon Show with
, and to to talk Star Wars. Then in October I was on Tailgaters Setup again with Brian, Gary, and to talk about my trip to Oregon for the Spartans/Ducks game and we compared college football coaches to Star Wars characters. And then finally on December 6, I crashed ’s newsletter, Daydreamin' 'Bout the Way Things Sometimes Are to talk about my top 5 Drive-By Truckers songs. Also I’m not sure if it will be out this year, but I’ll be joining over at The Oscar Project to talk a silent gangster movie. We’ll see how it goes.Over the year, Death Star went from 77 subscribers to 223. The goal for 2025 is to get to at least 300. So if you’re reading this and not yet a subscriber, now is the perfect time to smash that subscribe button. I mean that literally.
Darth Jar Jar was finally revealin’ himself tosa Jedi! Yes, I know that TECHNICALLY the LEGO Star Wars movies aren’t canon. But I chose to believe that Darth Jar Jar is now canon and look forward to his 8 episode Disney+ series.
The Mandalorian and Grogu started production this year. Hopefully it’s still on target for the 2026 release date.
Speaking of things going into production, I gave Disney ideas for five series. They still haven’t gotten back to me.
This year was the 25th anniversary of The Phantom Menace. I missed work and went to a lunch time showing. And reminisced just how weird it was that the teaser trailer for Fight Club was shown with The Phantom Menace.
From the “Things Nobody Asked For Department,” Ian McDiarmid decided he needed to opine on Palpatine’s sex life.
The Bad Batch wrapped up after 3 seasons, becoming the first Disney+ show to have a planned ending. While season 3 was mostly once again having to rescue Omega, it was a fun and the show ended on a high note. Plus we got Batcher. More pets in Star Wars, I say.
Generative AI is a garbage technology no one really asked for that contributes to the enshittification of the internet and only exists because of copyright infringement. It also helped me bring Jar Jar Fett to life. Which is actually another reason its bad.
Blue milk is real. I never did find it in the store but I have a hard time believing I’m missing out on anything good.
Taylor Swift released “The Tortured Poets Department” and I tried to channel Weird Al to write lyrics to The Tortured Jedi Department. Thankfully there are other people on Substack who are way more clever than I am.
I pondered whether Liz Lemon’s excited utterance/catchphrase “blerg” was in fact a reference to the Blurrg. Anyone know Tina Fey and can ask her for me?
In the very same newsletter as the Blurrg, Death Star HR celebrated its one-year anniversary. There wasn’t cake, but there should have been.
Clone Trooper CX-2 was not Tech. Despite everyone assuming it was Tech. Dave Filoni remains a master troll.
The Acolyte came and went. It was either a victim of the culture wars or poor viewership or it cost Disney too much money. Which is too bad because while it wasn’t the best Star Wars show, it was certainly the most daring. I worry Disney is going to get scared and just try to play it safe. And by safe I mean boring.
Episode 5 of The Acolyte also gave us the best lightsaber duel since Duel of the Fates.
I attempted to read all 19 New Jedi Order books in a year. It’s not going to happen.
“Star Wars: Outlaws” was released. There were bugs. So, so many bugs.
Also with “Outlaws.” Some “fans” got really weird about Kay Voss, a character in a videogame, not being attractive enough. If you are one of those people, please touch grass. I beg you.
Death Star HR officially set the record for “Star Wars newsletter containing the most references to The Simpsons.” A trend that will continue next year.
I bought more Star Wars records than a normal person should. I will also continue this trend next year.
Death Star HR did a deep dive into why there are no “working” Star Wars branded lightsabers. As a note, I saw a Goliath Power Saber at Target this weekend and almost bought it.
Galactic Empire, the galaxy’s only Star Wars themed metal band made a stop in Dallas. And I was there.
I started up the official Death Star HR Cute Little Guys list.
And finally, to end this on a down note, James Earl Jones became one with the Force.
That’s a pretty good year. There’s a lot that happened here at Death Star HR, those are just the highlights.
Skeleton Crew Episode 4: No One is Thinking of the Children
Being a kid in the Star Wars universe seems like it would be awesome. You have lightsabers, and droids, and hyperspace travel, and all sorts of other technology that would make your life better. The reality of it is, as far as we’ve seen, it’s not great being a Youngling. Maybe you grew up on Coruscant in a wealthy family during the Republic era. Your awesome childhood went out the window as soon as Anakin launched Mace Windu out the window. OK fine, let’s skip over the Republic and Imperial era. Being a kid in the New Republic was probably good for a bit, but as soon as the First Order started kidnapping children to fill their ranks, no more playing outside by yourself. And that’s prob ably best case scenario. There don’t seem to be a lot of happy childhoods in the Outer Rim. Ezra Bridger didn’t exactly have a lot of stability during his childhood.
At this point you might be saying, OK but what if you’re a Jedi. You get to be a Padawan and grow up in the Jedi Temple. That’s a way to look at it, from a certain point of view. Or you’re ripped away from your parents by an order of religious zealots before you’re even old enough to understand what’s happening, taken to their compound and indoctrinated in their religion. And what’s even worse, this is sanctioned by the Republic. Assuming you survive their training, you get to be a child solider.
It’s worth nothing just how messed it how many child soldiers there are in the Star Wars universe. We all love Ahsoka Tano, her introduction was joining the Clone Wars when she was 14 as the Padawan for a soon-to-be war criminal. Hardly the actions of the defenders of peace and justice in the galaxy. Ahsoka the series did a good job giving her a little war is hell moment with the World Between Worlds episode. Say what you will about the Empire, but at least even if you were a lot short for a Stormtrooper, you weren’t 12 years old.
Which leads us to the fourth episode of Skeleton Crew, titled "Can't Say I Remember No At Attin." A phrase SM-33 is fond of saying. Jod and the kids think they’ve finally found At Attin, based on the coordinates they “borrowed” from Kh'ymm. Turns out, it’s At Attin but in the Upside Down. They’re actually on At Achrann. Not so much a jewel of the Republic anymore. At Achrann is a bombed out, desolate planet that may or may not have been ruled by King No Head. Which is a line I loved because it’s absolutely kid logic. Maybe the statute was a king. It’s missing a head. Gotta be King No Head. The kids discover that At Achrann has a forever war going between the Troik and the Hattan, the Hatfields and McCoys of At Achrann. The leader of the Troik, General Strix, doesn’t have any real problem using kids on the front lines while he leads from behind. Wim thinks this is awesome. Fern and KB are less enthusiastic, but can’t see any other choice.
That only leaves Neel, the last pure soul in the galaxy and an elephant lad who must be protected at all costs. Neel almost immediately picks up that the forever war between the Troik and the Hattan is really pretty stupid and if they’d just apologize to each other, maybe they could get on with their lives. Neel isn’t brave, or putting on a brave face like Fern or adventurous like Wim. He knows he’s scared and isn’t afraid to admit it. And really, being honest with yourself and others, especially admitting you’re scared when everyone thinks you should be tough is an act of bravery. Hayna, the Troik warrior girl that Neel befriends gets that in the end. Not quite enough that she’s willing to leave her planet, I did enjoy Neel telling her that there’s plenty of room at his house and she could stay. He should have lead with the Holiday Special holos. But she at least saw where he was coming from and why Neel is the best.
Not only does Neel show emotional strength, he gets to show off his Slap Ball skills as well at the end of the episode when SM-33 reveals that A) he’s been to At Achrann before and B) his previous captain instructed him to go all murder bot on anyone who goes asking about At Attin. Neel saves his friends by hitting SM-33 with a rock and then Jod swoops in to hit the power down button. I had the same thought with SM-33 that I did about PIP in The Acolyte, it takes more buttons to turn my phone off than it did to shut down a droid or wipe PIP’s memory.
A few things of note besides Neel’s pure heart.
Fern got a little more depth this episode. She’s mostly been #GIRLBOSSING her way through the galaxy so far, getting by on a Han Solo like combination of skill, luck, and bluffing your way through it. Only to finally hit a wall and realize she might be in over her head. Hopefully we get a little more growth out of Wim and KB in the second half of the series.
Speaking of, Wim and KB had the most awkward high five in television history. I should learn how to make GIFs, it would be a good one.
I saw a lot of reviews for this episode mention how dark in tone it was. And they’re right. A generation-spanning war, desolate and destroyed planet, and child soldiers. But the source material is a lot darker than people remember. All those 80’s movies could get pretty grim.
We’re at the halfway point of the show. I’ve been enjoying it. What’s everyone else’s thoughts so far?
LEGO Holiday Special - It’s a Life Day Miracle
The LEGO Star Wars shows are not something I go out of my way to really watch. After all, the target audience for those are the Younglings. And since I’m in my mid 40’s, that makes me a SUPER SERIOUS Star Wars fan who has no time for such frivolity as Emperor Palpatine being a catty bitch or various characters dancing. Nope, I only accept Start Wars as an unfunny endeavor, Andor is my guiding light here. OK, not really. While I’m having a bit of a goof here there certainly is a strain of Star Wars fans that probably hates the LEGO shows as much as they hate The Last Jedi and The Acolyte. To which I say, they’re missing out. The real fun of LEGO Star Wars is it’s just pure Star Wars ID. It can be anything and everything since the shows aren’t bound by following canon or even having to make sense2.
I’ve actually been meaning to watch the LEGO Holiday Special for a while now. Back in February, I wrote about how I randomly had the LEGO Holiday Special set show up on my door step. Well, it showed up on my door step and then the Amazon package sat on the coffee table unopened for a few days because I didn’t look at the label and just assumed it was something Emperor Palpatine’s #1 Fan had ordered for herself. Turns out my cousin Julia and her husband Brian, both friends of Death Star HR, had sent the LEGO set as a way to show they liked what I was doing here. It’s a fun little set and has been sitting on my bookcase all year. We celebrate Life Day year-round here at Death Star HR.
The LEGO Star Wars Holiday Special is kind of in the same vein as the other LEGO shows. It’s an excuse to mashup various ideas and timelines and see what kind of chaos you’d get. For example, the end has Rey, ROTJ Luke, AHN Luke, and BB-8 battling Kylo Ren, Darth Vader, and Emperor Palpatine on the 2nd Death Star. Sure, not exactly canon but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun.
I’m sure you will be shocked3 to learn that Palpy’s “Galaxy’s Best Emperor” mug has it’s own Wookieepedia page. And while there is no “official” version of the mug in stores, it’s not hard to find one to buy if you’re so inclined.
The “plot” if we’re going to call it that is the Sequel Trilogy gang is preparing the Millennium Falcon for a Life Day celebration. Unfortunately, Rey is in her own head about Finn’s Jedi training is going as well as she hoped, and discovers in the old Jedi texts that there’s a key on the planet Kordoku that could help her train Finn. The key opens a portal that allows Rey and BB-8 to time travel to various points in the Star Wars universe. She gets to see Luke and Yoda on Dagobah, Anakin and Obi-Wan discussing protecting Padme, and some other highlights. Unfortunately, on her last try she ends up on the 2nd Death Star with Vader and Palpatine which sets up the “conflict.”
Vader steals the key and he and Rey duel each other across multiple timelines, ending in a huge battle at the Lars farm. Vader manages to escape with the key. Rey feels all is lost, but the Yoda, as the Force Ghost of Life Day Past appears and shows Rey that she wasn’t being a very good Jedi Master to Finn.
As a tangent, can you blame Rey for not being a very good Jedi Master? Her first master was an angry boomer who just wanted to be left alone. Her second one, if you call it that, never completed her Jedi training. Her remaining options were an emo kid allergic to shirts, the least-bad deformed clone with some Force ability, or good ol’ Grandpa Palpy. Those aren’t exactly great choices.
Anyway, Rey manages to make everything right and make it back to the Life Day celebration, where she promises to be a better Jedi Master to Finn and learns that the real meaning of Life Day is the friends you make along the way.
Honestly, the only thing left to do is to recreate the original Star Wars Holiday Special shot for shot with LEGO. I’m here for that.
Great Moments in Star Wars Merchandising
The Rebellion has won the War on Christmas.
Is the made up War on Christmas still a thing? Never mind, I don’t want to know. But at least in my neighborhood, high winds have managed to take down the AT-AT. It’s a fun little setup, but I’d really like to see my neighbors get enough AT-AT’s to recreate the Battle of Hoth in their front yard. That would be how to win the best holiday lights contest.
This Day in Star Wars History
A birth, a death, and a videogame for December 23rd.
Howie Weed was born in 1962. Weed worked as an artist for ILM and occasionally actor. He played two different aliens in the Cantina scene for the Special Edition and for the the Empire Strikes Back SE, he was in the Wampa suit.
Sebastian Shaw passed away in 1994. Shaw had a long career, as far as I can tell mostly on the other side of the pond. Shaw played the unmasked and then Force Ghost versions of Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker in Return of the Jedi. Only to have his Force Ghost replaced by Hayden Christiensen in the 2004 DVD release.
In 2014, Knights of the Old Republic aka the best Star Wars video game ever, was released for Android. As much as I love this game, I can’t see it being a lot of phone trying to play it on your phone.
From the Depths of Wookieepedia
Remember the Star Cruiser Hotel? Disney thought people would pay $5,000 to do a Sequel Trilogy LARP and stay in a hotel room with far less space, and windows, than your average freshman year dorm room in college. Don’t understand why it didn’t survive. If you did check out the Star Cruiser, you probably saw D3-O9, a logistics droid.
She functioned as a virtual assistant that guests could communicate with through screens in their cabins.
Imagine just resting in your room after a long day of trying to rat out some Jedi to the First Order, and you get a droid telling you that Admiral Hux demands you do a mission, or something. I don’t know.
News From the HoloNet
Always remember the words of Big Worm: “playing with my money is like playing with my emotions.”
Rise of Skywalker Showed Loving Star Wars Has Its Limits
Headline says it all. Although I have two Rise of Skywalker articles planned for next year. Stay tuned.
Lucasfilm is now shamelessly owning the Star Wars Holiday Special
Uncle George has to be furious about this.
I unironically love The Star Wars Holiday Special
You know what, I love that you love it.
Star Wars-themed love letter torpedoed former Seattle Police Chief Diaz's career
Imagine losing your job because your affair partner sent you an Ewok card. It’s quite a story.
That’s it for this week. If you like what I’m doing, please subscribe. I’ll catch you next week, and may the Force be with you.
I spelled “Pennsylvania” right the first time and just want that preserved for the record.
I know that canon and logic are pretty loosey-goosey these days anyway, but at least the canon shows mostly try to stay on target.
and by shocked I mean not shocked.
Happy Holidays! Thanks for a great read!
That Lego Porg is everything and now I want it to fly-hop over to my Nightmare Before Christmas set for an amazing crossover episode.