REPOST: The Death Star Human Resources Department Newsletter - Life Day Edition

Happy Life Day!

Hello there

In what might become an annual tradition, I am re-posting my live watch of the Star Wars Holiday Special that I sent out last year. So if the dates discussed below seem a little weird, it’s because this was sent out in 2023. If you’ve never seen the Holiday Special, set aside 90ish minutes, pour yourself a drink, and just go with it.

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The Life Day Erasure Will Not Stand

It’s winter right now. The Winter Solstice was last week. Christmas was earlier this week. If there’s one tradition that we’re stuck with, it’s hearing about the War on Christmas. There is no War on Christmas. However, there is a War on Life Day. Think about it. When is the last time you heard anything about Life Day? Have you ever heard a Life Day song on the radio? You never hear anything about the festival at the Tree of Life. The War on Life Day has been a complete success from that regard. Life Day has been completely erased from not just from the United States, but from the rest of the world as well. And we shouldn’t stand for it.

The real Sickos know what I’m talking about. But if you don’t, consider yourself lucky. Because we’re going to talk about the Star Wars Holiday Special.

The Star Wars Holiday Special is a real thing that exists. It was a 2 hour TV special released November 17, 1978. The idea was as far as I can tell, put out something to keep Star Wars in the minds of fans and the general public as Lucas worked on Empire Strikes Back. Almost all the main characters from A New Hope show up. I can’t imagine there’s any world in which Sir Alec Guinness has anything to do with a late 70’s variety show, let alone show in character as Obi-Wan. R2-D2 is in the show, although Kenny Baker was not involved. But otherwise the gang is all there. Mark Hamil, Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford, Anthony Daniels, Peter Mayhew, and James Earl Jones are all in the credits.

As I am typing this on December 28th, 2023, I have never seen it, but the show is the stuff of legend for how bad it supposedly is. It was only shown on TV once and has never been officially released on home video1 or streaming2. Lucas himself supposedly said he’d personally smash every bootleg copy with a hammer if he had the chance. It’s a 70’s variety show that somehow features both Bea Arthur and has the first appearance of Boba Fett. That just makes no sense.

The very basic plot, per Wikipedia, is that Han and Chewbacca are trying to get back to Kashyyk, the Wookie homeworld, so they can celebrate Life Day. Unfortunately, the Imperials are trying to stop them. Chewie’s family is getting ready for his return. Somehow Luke and Leia show up. I think the Stormtroopers dance. Boba Fett appears as a cartoon that I think Chewie’s son watches. I don’t know, it all sounds very strange.

It’s also having a bit of a moment right now. A documentary about the Star Wars Holiday Special has been released. You can watch the trailer for A Disturbance in the Force on their website. Just those few seconds of clips they show make it look absolutely wild. It is an artifact from another time and place, and it is completely foreign to me. And on that note, I am going to watch it and record my thoughts in real time.

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The 70’s Were a Strange Time and Place

I have tried to avoid using the phrase “I have a bad feeling about this” because it’s such a cliche when writing about Star Wars. In his biography, Anthony Daniel’s referred to the Star Wars Holiday Special as a “turd.” So “a bad feeling” is probably the only way to describe this. If you want to follow along, below is the YouTube video I watched. Now, here we go:

0:31. I don’t think that’s the original set of the Falcon. And it looks like you just had some stagehands off screen push the set back and forth to make it look like the ship was taking fire. Not off to a great start.

1:04. First mention of Life Day.

1:28. Mark Hamil…that’s a look.

2:20: Chewie’s father and son are named Itchy and Lumpy. Probably a George Lucas special with the names. Right up there with Darth Icky.

3:33. The Wookie house has very 70’s carpet. And really, a very 70’s, Brady Bunch style vibe for the whole house.

4:09. Chewie’s family is all speaking Wookiee3 but there’s no subtitles or Han Solo to translate.

5:20. The Chewie family appears to be using a Rubbermaid tub. Not very “spacy.”

6:10. The Wookiee house had a special effect budget of about 20 bucks. These are bad.

8:08. The last four minutes have just been Wookiee-speak. How long are they going to keep this going?

8:32. Lumpy is watching a circus on the holoboard? Still nobody is actually speaking. What is going on here?

8:54. I am positive one of the props on the holoboard was a cassette player like the type you’d use in school.

10:03. And…we have jugglers. Lumpy is trying to steal one of their holographic juggling pins. Sure.

11:56. The radar that Mrs. Chewie uses to look for the Falcon is even worse than Mr. Radar.

12:24. First appearance of Mark Hamil. We went 8 minutes of nothing but Wookie speak. Also the video screens they’re using to FaceTime each other look like TVs.

12:37. Itchy is kinda a jerk to Lumpy. He needs to chill out. Don’t want Imperial CPS involved.

14:00. Why is Luke just hanging around wearing his flight suit? Also, what’s with that hair cut?

14:21. “Come on, Malla. Let’s see a little smile.” I know it was a different time (and galaxy) but guys, telling women to smile is not OK. Doesn’t matter if they’re humans or Wookiees.

15:37. Oh shoot, the Empire is here. No chance Palpatine would approve of this dude’s mustache. Also why is a Death Star Trooper on the planet Kashyyk?

18:40. The Imperial guy is trying WAY too hard to do an evil voice. It’s like Christian Bale’s bat-voice. But way worse.

19:07. Pretty sure that’s the 2nd time they’ve used that shot of the Star Destroyers. Like the exact same shot. Also, Vader!

20:30. Malla is watching a cooking show? What is going on here.

22:33. As someone who basically learned to cook from watching Food Network, I have to say this cooking show is not very informative. Alton Brown would not approve.

23:10. The cook has a third arm????

23:36. And now a fourth arm. This is going off the rails already.

24:23. That’s just space combat footage from A New Hope, right? Saves costs, I guess.

25:49. The Imperials have a blockade around Kashyyk4. Oh no!

26:52. Some old guy has appeared on screen. I’m guessing if I were alive in the 70’s I would know who this guy is.

28:44. Did this old dude just give Itchy VR porno? That’s what seems to be implied.

30:30. This is another person that I’m guessing I’d know how they were if they were alive in the 70’s. And yes, this is VR adult entertainment. That can be shown on CBS.

31:24. “I am your fantasy.” This was on network TV?

32:15. And…she’s breaking into song…

35:55. We’re cutting to C-3PO. And Leia in the background using…an adding machine? I think? Maybe one of those really early word processors.

36:26: Carrie Fisher has to be high as a kite here.

39:07. Oh shit, Stormtroopers! I did think it seemed like Han and Chewie got to Kashyyk awfully quickly.

41:43. The direction for the guy playing with Death Star Trooper was “overact the scene as much as humanly possible.”

43:05. Is the old dude going to show the Death Star Trooper VR porno as well?

43:48. Nope. Just Jefferson Starship. This does not appear to be the version of Starship with Grace Slick.

44:59. I know Marty Balin’s microphone is supposed to look like it’s from a galaxy far far away. But really it just looks like it’s made out of cotton candy.

50:19. Is the Imperial Officer flirting with Malla?

50:50. Here’s where the cartoon starts. It’s the one part of the Holiday Special that sort of gets acknowledged, you can stream it on Disney+. Curious to see if it’s part of this YouTube version or if it gets taken out to try to avoid the Disney copyright watchers.

51:09. Cartoon Luke might look better than real life Luke.

52:25. Is this the only known instance, at least on screen, of Luke flying a Y-Wing?

53:46. I think Luke, R2, and 3PO are being attacked by the Loch Ness Monster.

53:54. Boba Fett! I think the infamous rocket firing Boba Fett toy is closer to his cartoon look than his look in Empire. Going to have to research this.

54:30. I am obviously not the first to point this out, but Mando’s rifle is basically the one that Boba Fett has here.

57:24. Fett calls him Darth Vader instead of Lord Vader. Are we still in the period where people treat Darth as his first name instead of a title?

1:00:23. Honestly, the cartoon wasn’t that bad. Guess Disney doesn’t care enough to have it removed from YouTube.

1:02:23. Yeah, the Imperial officer is for sure flirting with Malla.

1:04:08. Once again I am assuming I’d know who this older guy is if I were alive in the 70’s. Seems to be a theme here. I think he’s a malfunctioning droid?

1:04:45. “First, find the sealed package of all the tools you’ll need.” I think Lumpy is about to put together an IKEA dresser? And it appears to be a ziplock bag. Probably borrowed from the lunch box of someone on the set.

1:05:58. I truly do not get this malfunctioning human/droid bit.

1:08:10. An Imperial propaganda film about how much life on Tatooine sucks? OK, you have my attention.

1:08:50. I think this is mix of leftover cantina scene footage and maybe some new shots? The cantina band doesn’t look quite right, much more low budget here. I also think it’s a new set.

1:09:13. Bea Arthur is the Mos Eisley Cantina bartender. Sure, why not.

1:10:01. I think she just poured a customer lemon-lime Gatorade. There wasn’t even a props budget for blue milk.

1:11:53. Some random guy has declared his love for Bea Arthur and walked behind the bar to grab her. Yikes. And he pours drinks into his head.

1:14:41. The Empire is closing Bea Arthur’s bar. The first step to her joining the Rebellion. And all the aliens in the bar are just ignoring her.

1:16:26. And now Bea Arthur is singing? Kind of a lounge act type of song?

1:18:08 Ponda Baba (with both his arms) is dancing with Bea Arthur. This is…something. The song has turned almost into a polka.

1:21:13. Lumpy and his IKEA…thing have tricked the Imperials. Guessing Han and Chewie are going to show up soon.

1:22:42. It’s Chewbacca! He made it home!

1:24:09. That was a longing glance between Han and Malla. Just sayin’.

1:26:08. The old dude is back. Still have no idea who he is.

1:28:18. OK, Chewie and his family are all together. Life Day celebration time?

1:29:10. They are now all wearing red robes and are…in the stars? I’m so confused

1:29:51. I think they’re re-using the Yavin 4 set here. Only way heavier on the fog machine.

1:31:29. Carrie Fisher just burst into song. Makes sense.

1:33:07. Cue the Throne Room music from the end of A New Hope. Does Chewie get a medal on Life Day? Nope. He does not.

1:33:55. Are getting a montage of A New Hope through Chewie’s eyes? Literally through his eyes.

After the Chewie family gathers around the table for a Life Day feast, we are mercifully done with the Star Wars Holiday Special. I honestly wish I had watched this earlier in the week, instead of Thursday, because it really feels like I need a couple days and probably a few drinks to process what I watched. I really don’t know anything about 70’s variety shows. But, that was just weird. Nothing like that would ever happen today. I don’t know. I’m glad I watched it. It’s such a strange part of Star Wars lore and is clearly an artifact from a certain time and place. I’m going to start making my red robe for next year’s Life Day celebration.

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That’s it for this year. If you like what I’m doing, please subscribe. I’ll catch you next week, and may the Force be with you.